Pisces Full Moon 9.19.13

the coming full moon (in pisces this thursday morning) is the culmination of the past six month lunar cycle that began on april 10th with the new moon in aries...  remember that one?  with both mars and venus conjunct?  yeah..  it was powerful in that subdued new moon type way. 

well.. on April 10th I left for my last vacation to Miami, and was so relieved and thrilled to be leaving my work life behind. It was when I got back from said vacation that the whole load of crap fell apart because my ex-boss used my absence to undermine me, for which i retaliated with words that cost me my position (pretty much because I outright proved my refusal to respect her "authority"). anyway.. it was the last step in the final act of it all coming undone.

this thursday, I'll be getting together with several of my old co-workers for dinner and drinks.. to have a good time and enjoy each others company. perhaps, for the last time all together (if i indeed get a job out of the area and move away). it has been long enough that we are no longer attached to the previous situation.. so yes, this is an end point. Though I may not be with this group all together, each of them will always be a part of my life in some way... but not nearly as close.

AND.. the full moon is exactly opposite my natal Virgo moon, so the sun is transiting my moon as i type. I am working hard to form new professional attachments as well as maintain and strengthen my familiar ones.. and yes, i've been an emotional shit show half the time; crying for no reason, getting angry at others for nothing at all. it's a big test to stay focused on being positive and looking forward, especially since it is forward to an uncertain future.

now.. with saturn and venus conjunct, I feel slightly at ease knowing this energy nataly; but having them conjunct my natal merc/sun conjunction in scorp is like overlaying two very different parts of myself. my rules and loves may be completely intertwined, but they are intuitive with a quintile aspect to my mars in the 12th house conjunct my natal neptune. mars and neptune may be involved with this formation as well, but not in ways that are comfortable (particularly the square to mars, and neptune conjunct chiron).. and though the 12th house may not be comfortable for most, it suits my mars and neptune intuitive guidance system. but here I feel like I've lost that intuition and my rules about love and happiness are being thrust upon my logical and egotistical self. I feel like I may be making demands of my expectations on life that I don't necessarily deserve, but they need to be made in order to ensure I continue to progress in this life (rather than lay stagnant). It's a difficult concept to maneuver, and I don't know if it the right avenue to take.. half of me feels that I might very well be sabotaging myself by requiring more than I have been given.

the full moon itself falls at the very end of my third house... so yeah, i've been verbose.. but I can't keep all of this in. I need to share. I need to communicate all the craziness going on inside me... it's the only way I know I can get through it. and in communicating all of this, i also desperately seek insight from other perspectives... i need people to tell me that this will not only work out ok in the end, but how best to make it work out as well. because, right now.. i am so lost.

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