to lose myself completely

i am an escape artist.  i practice the art of removal; withdrawing from reality... letting my mind hide from the perils that await waking life. i have done this my entire life, and it is accomplished in many ways.  some good, others bad. 

creatively..  i make beauty. i order systems.  i utilize that which is given me to produce a more elegant response.  i manifest imaginations and conjur notions yet unseen.  i fall into dreams that resonate through the ethereal levels of our universe.  even to be swept up in the world af anothers creativity..  film, music, art.  my mind disapears into a realm that sooths with positive energy and completion

tactlessly..  i abuse my physical self.  drugs.  alcohol.  sexual promiscuity.  using whatever means to be emotionally removed from personal awareness.  ignoring my own worth and ability, i indulge in the least savory of activities;  feeding off the vile depths of debauchery and pity.  as punishment for lusting after a chance to leave, my soul rots with negativity and loss.

both of these powers are within me, a constant battle of which self shall prevail.  but both as a means of escape.  both sides of my being striving for something else..  both yearning for an unknown.  both running from this plain....  fighting to be swept away.

i am an escape artist, and one of these days..  i won't come back.

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