the creepy dude

     D (as i shall refer to him here) is a 65 year old man who began writing to me via chat site 2 years ago. he claimed to be 42 when we first started exchanging messages. he would tell me about his house and that he didn’t need to have a real job because he lived off his residuals from the market and such. he would never show me a picture of himself online because he was the secretary of a catholic church and town and couldn’t broadcast his face across the internet. (uh-huh)

    i was very tight on cash at the time. i was a student; already $75,000 in debt; only bringing in about $180 a week from my part time job. struggling to keep gas in the car just to get to class, i needed help.
he offered to pay me for some landscape work. i accepted. but then, when the job was done.. he still offered to keep “helping me”, because “he knew how hard it was” for me to keep up on my income. i continued to accept.
i am not proud of this by any means, but i always made it plain and clear that i was not interested in him romantically and did not desire a relationship. he bought me groceries, and put gas in my car. he would take me out for dinner. he helped me pay some of my student loan payments after classes and my forbearance was up. he used a connection he had to get me an incredible deal and put paid a small down payment in my car when the last one literally exploded one day. (the car has always been in my name, and i have paid for all but that first down payment.) then he asked for my social security number. (HUH?) he claimed that he was going to make me the sole executor of his will, and needed my SS# to process the papers through his lawyer. he wanted to keep me around until death.

    he told me he loved me and this was his way of showing his love. i tried to explain that for me love has nothing to do with the material world.. i told him i wanted him to be happy, and i didn’t think could be the person to make him happy. i couldn’t show him the love he wanted. but he assumed that since he “loved” me, i HAD to love him back.

    he would try and kiss me whenever his face got close enough. he offered to give massages all the time. he bought bottles of my favorite liquor to keep on hand knowing that i would not drive if i had been drinking, and would then have to stay over at his place. (i never drank in his presence). he always told me i should come swimming in his pool.. even bought me a bathing suit. i got my ass pinched and my crotch groped on a regular basis. i convince myself that this was just a job.. that i deserved to get paid for spending time with this man who would otherwise have no other companionship. it made him happy to walk through the mall next to me and buy me clothes.. so i played the game and told myself i was doing a good deed. (yeah.. right…..)
beyond the vileness of his nature, he was physically one of the most unattractive men i have ever known.. sorry i have venus in libra, and i’ve dated a 58 year old.. this man did not take care of himself. he lived his entire life in his home town; in the same neighborhood. no desire to explore anything beyond the hill (my packed 9th house was baffled by this). he was rude to people in public (every server we ever had in every restaurant we ever went to). he owned his black convertable sports car for 3 years and barely had 11,000 miles on it… it had never seen a highway. he lived very sheltered from reality in his little world of figurines and silk flowers.

    as my financial situation improved, i saw him less and less. he would complain and whine that he hadn’t seen me in so long, and that he really wanted to go out to dinner with me. i couldn’t handle being one step above prostitute anymore.. it was weighing on my conscience. was i just using him? or was he the one using me.. we were in fact using each other. and it needed to stop.

    it was at this time that i began chatting with another guy in the area on that same chat site. D came up in conversation.. “hey, do you know this guy?” he was doing the same exact things for/to this other kid.
when i finally called D on his true age and claimed that to be a breach of confidence, i pretended to be upset that he had lied to me for so long about something so trivial.. i felt like a nasty scumbag, and i was. but so was he. he cried. i told him i didn’t want any further contact. “i swear i was going to tell you how old i really am if you ever moved in here with me..”

MOVE IN!!?!?!?!            WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    the entire time this went on.. and even now. i have always referred to D as “the creepy dude”. that is his official name amongst my inner circle.

    now, just another chapter from the darkest years of my life. i was horribly ashamed of myself, and still am; but it’s done.

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